Week 2- Step 1

Last night was my first night back to group in over a year. As i prepared to leave ED kept giving me reason why I couldn't or shouldn't go. As I drug me feet to the car I was fighting an internal battle with ED and was strangely somewhat relieved when I hit evening traffic thinking that maybe I'd be too late and that it'd be better if I just turned around and headed home. I did agree with ED momentarily but continued on my way disobeying him. I swear the colors of every fast food joint on my path were bolder and brighter beaconing me to change course and spend the night with ED instead of making this positive step in regaining my footing on the path to recovery. As I pulled into the parking lot...sadly only about three minutes past six and made my way down to the group room. I felt about as insecure as I remember feeling every year on the first day of school. ED has always done such a great job of making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin reminding me that I was probably going to be larger than anyone else in group and my life was unmanageable to an extent yes, but that is only because I don't follow his rules well enough. I have separated myself from him enough to know that this however is not the case and the more I follow his deranged rules the more unmanageable my life becomes. Yes, it's truly unfortunate for him that I have no problem admitting that what I'm doing isn't working.

Group ended up being the positive experience I'd hoped for. I received my 24 hour chip....which I try hard to disregard ED's constant reminder that 24 hours is nothing but a mere drop in the very large bucket. Rome wasn't built in a day right??? I was uplifted by the sharing of other group members and am eagerly awaiting next week. I find great strength when working with step two. Please join us if you can. Yes, ED will be disappointed if you do but I promise you'll be uplifted.

Love,

Alaina