Triggers

I've been thinking a lot lately about TRIGGERS. I guess maybe because I am trying to be more aware of my thought patterns and feelings. What I've noticed is I sure have a ton of them. In a recent therapy session (yes, I admit I do go to therapy) I couldn't help but smirk when my therapist asked what percentage of time I was worried about or thinking about and being triggered by body image issues. I replied about 90%, but the more I've become aware of my thinking patterns the percentage is probably even higher than that.

Why am I so easily Triggered? I'm not sure but I'm fairly certain most of you can probably relate. I guess noticing them is a step in the right direction... you can't fix something you don't realize is broken but I am so open to suggestions on how to deal with them and not give in to them!

STEP 3

Made a DECISION to turn our WILL and our LIVES over to the CARE of GOD as we understood GOD.

We decided to trust that as we let go of rigidity, we would not fall. As we took and continue to take careful risks, our faith grew- in God, in ourselves and in others.

Last night we shared with each other what we have learned about this step. One major point was that step 3 is very much an action step. It's a choice, a decision to surrender our will and to trust.

For me I believe this step is the hardest so far. I had no problem with step 1, admitting that I am powerless over my eating disorder and my life is unmanageable or with step 2, that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. But since my eating disorder is in large part a control issue and a lack of trust in other people and things turning my LIFE and WILL over is one GIANT leap of faith.

I guess this step to me is a lot like repelling which I did last weekend, completely terrified. I was afraid and grew more so with each step I climbed. My decision to take that backwards step of faith onto the repel platform was almost paralyzing. Letting go of even a little part of my dysfunctional rigidity took almost more then I thought I had in me. When I was safely back on the solid ground I realized that in taking a careful risk I really had gained faith and trust in others, in myself and in God.

What I constantly have to remind myself is that it doesn't have to be all at once. By taking and continuing to take these careful risks will in time help me more fully surrender my will and life over to the care of the God who loves me.